The main problem society has is people tend to forget about self-improvement because they don’t have anybody in their ear telling them that they need to improve. Life puts you in situations where if you make a decision, depending on the decisions you made it will leave you thinking. Everyday is another opportunity for you to do little things that just help anybody to improve your character. Your character is your name, your personality, and the way you carry yourself in public and private. Have you ever been in a situation where you went along with something only because your friends did? There’s steps to improving yourself and the main step is mental health. Your mental has to be great in order for you to be able to treat others accordingly. It’s also ok for you to do small tokens of appreciation just to start somewhere. Getting involved in the community to understand others around you and trying to see eye to eye with them. What makes this transition so hard is the society we live in today because everybody is worried about being judged. Instead of just ignoring the judgmental opinions and doing whatever they want , some people end up getting discouraged or feel like a “loser”. Everybody isn’t religious but my personal way to improve would be making my relationship with God deeper. Some have to understand you have to be patient and you’re gonna have those days when it feels like you’re not doing right. Never discourage yourself because it will resort you back to square one which makes it tougher. Would you like to be that person to help others improve so it can better our community?
When it came to my dry run of my first draft of my speech, I felt as though it went pretty well. One thing that I did that I do not think I should have done was not write an entire rough draft. What I should have done differently was make an outline of what I was planning to say so that when I got feedback it would be easier to add those changes I would want to make. Now I am planning on rewriting my speech so that it flows nicely when I put in the feedback I received. After hearing what the people in my groups had to say, I feel like I am in a very good position right now. They liked the way I compared my current self to my past self because they felt like it was very relatable. Everyone was at the point where they really liked school and doing their work, but a lot of people got to the point where they do not really care about it anymore. They said that they have been in situations like this, and they know of people who have also gone through it too. One thing that I do plan on doing with my speech is elaborating more on what I plan to do to become a better student because I talked a lot about what got me to the point that I am at now.
https://jdecrisantis.uneportfolio.org/lone-wolf-speech/
My Best Advice:
The best peer review that I offered to one of my peers was simply to condense their speech to fit into the 3 to 5 minute time limit. Their speech was very good, there were just a little too many extra details. I thought it would be in their best interest to keep the key information he wanted to address and the best parts of the speech. The rest wasn’t bad work, however, it isn’t necessarily needed.
Why It’s My best Advice:
I think this was good advice because condensing a longer speech into a shorter one would keep the audience engaged for the most part. If a speech starts going on and on for too long, the majority of the audience is most likely going to lose focus. I believe that an audience is more likely to recall or remember shorter speeches compared to longer speeches.
Best Advice From My Peers:
The best peer review that I received was to cut a little bit of information out of my speech. In just my first draft outline, I had close to 3 pages of notes and points I wanted to get across. While trying to get through all of that information, my peers felt that I was just talking at them instead of to them. This is a quick way of losing an audience’s attention, so I should try to stay away from it.
Why It’s Their Best Advice:
This was the best piece of advice I received because the last thing I wanted was to have the audience get bored. When typing up my first draft outline, I was worried that I wasn’t going to have enough to talk about to get through the 3 to 5 minute time span. It’s good to know that I have more than enough and what I should focus on is getting rid of some of my information.
After the dry dry run that we did I am feeling really good about where I am going with this speech. The feedback I got from my peers was super helpful in helping me understand where I want to go. They let me know what was too much and what wasn’t enough and how I can progress on these pieces to make my speech really easy to understand and get through to the class. The idea of me trying to improve myself while still going forward in my educational career was really highlighted by everyone. But there is a lot going on in my speech so I need to find ways to expand upon the things that I want to do to go farther in order to show what I will be doing to pursue a better academic career for myself. I now know exactly what to do to make sure that I get the things across to the audience that are necessary.
I think the first dry run of my speech went very well, I received a lot of constructive criticism throughout the class period that is already making my speech even better. The first piece of advice I received was to try and pause less in between sentences and paragraphs to make it more fluid and coherent. Since it was just the dry run I hadn’t practiced it much and since then I have been practicing it more trying to lessen the amount of pauses in between my paragraphs. Another piece of advice I was given was to memorize the speech more because I was basically reading right off the computer screen in the first class, so I have been trying to work on my memorization skills so I can keep my eyes on the audience and not on my computer. The last piece of advice that I got was to fix my wording a little bit to sound more professional and to make it easier for the audience to understand what I am trying to convey. Overall, I feel like my speech is really taking shape and coming together.
MY BEST ADVICE: The best advice I gave was to Kit, their speech was about bettering their personal self. I enjoyed her speech but they needed to work more on the delivery of their speech. Of course it was one of the first times they had read the speech especially to an audience, but it didn’t flow. The speech was very well written but Kit found it was difficult to read the page out loud word for word to the group. We later decided as a group through discussion to make different prompts which would have further bullet notes for us to talk from. This will make our speeches sound much better to our audience.
WHY IT’S MY BEST ADVICE: This was the best advice that I had given during peer review because we could all individually apply this to our own papers and future speeches. As I had mentioned before, making a bulleted list rather than attempting to read something word for word will make the speech much easier to process for the reader. If the reader has an easier job giving the speech the audience has an easier job taking away key elements of the speech. All my group members agreed that a bulleted list is much more effective to prevent the reader from staring at the screen while presenting.
BEST ADVICE FROM MY PEERS: My group members suggested to me that I use personal stories to better connect to my audience. To better say it, my speech was well organized and made some good points, but it didn’t make a lasting impression on the audience. This is because I didn’t include any stories or personal experiences for my audience members to relate to. If the audience can relate to the speaker they are far more likely to take in the information being presented.
WHY IT’S THEIR BEST ADVICE: This was the best advice that I received because connecting with the audience is the core of a speech . I had to be reminded that it wasn’t just a paper that would be read by my professor, it would have to be something that my peers could relate to. Of course there are the cliches of being broke college students but what story or time of my life could I bring into my speech in order to make a better connection with my classmates.
My dry-dry run was the first time I read my whole speech out loud and it helped a lot with how I should compose sentences for a speech. I found myself omitting and changing some words as I read, which did trip me up a bit as I started to realize what I wrote didn’t make sense. This “narrative” approach I am taking seems to be working, as my peers said they liked that aspect of my speech. Someone did comment that there should be more information than narrative, which I agree with. I think if I focused more on the actual topic, and how to become a better version of my academic self, I could have a more comprehensive speech. I think definitely for next time I should read my second draft out loud and to my roommate to see what’s working and what’s not with more brutally honest and personal feedback, which I think would be beneficial to my speech.
My Best Advice and Why: The best advice I gave was to Bennett. The main takeaway I had from listening to his speech is that he would benefit from having some more examples of what he was talking about written down and remembered. I could tell he had a great understanding of what he was trying to say but seemed to not have concrete ideas or examples to pull from. This advice was the best I had given because I had some trouble with figuring out what was initially off about his speech. It was only through some more thought and reflection onto the other speeches I heard from my group mates that I figured out my thoughts on what advice to give. I also believe that it was my best piece of advice I gave because it also made me rethink how to write/present my own speech.
The Best Piece of Advice Given and Why: The best piece of advice that I was given by my group mates was to improve the structure of my speech. While I did see the importance of a strong outline even before starting this draft, while I was writing I didn’t quite notice how off topic I had gotten. After reading it outloud I did notice the flow wasn’t quite there as it would be if I was just speaking off the top of my head. It is the best piece of advice I received because it wasn’t something that I had thought about but once I heard it, I knew it was what I was missing. I think having this in my mind will help me incredibly through the rest of this process and will make my thoughts connect more clearly.
For the dry dry run of my speech, I asked my room mates to listen to me talk. I already knew I had pacing issues, and that the speech was a bit long in general, but with more practice I can at least help myself with eye contact. My roommates said that it felt rushed since I knew it had to be in a certain time frame and that it was quite a bit over four minutes long. They also said how I needed to make more eye contact, but I’m certain that by the time the final speech presentation comes around I’ll be better with that- and the speech will be shorter. They said that they did like the message my speech gave off, but that it centered more around myself than relating with the audience. They also said that I was very vulnerable which is always appreciated when giving a speech- I felt as I was writing that I shouldn’t be placed on a pedestal so I could relate to the audience more. I didn’t have much charisma in terms of body language, but when I memorize the speech, I think that’ll work out better.
22 thoughts on “JOURNAL # 7”
https://sohman.uneportfolio.org/2023/09/21/journal-7-dry-run/
https://eglynos.uneportfolio.org/wp-admin/post.php?post=63&action=edit
https://dwhite30.uneportfolio.org/lone-wolf-09-21-2023/
https://bmulcahy1.uneportfolio.org/speech/
https://blehane.uneportfolio.org/speech/
Altirique McElveen
Professor Miller
Journal 7 Communications
21 Sep 2023
The main problem society has is people tend to forget about self-improvement because they don’t have anybody in their ear telling them that they need to improve. Life puts you in situations where if you make a decision, depending on the decisions you made it will leave you thinking. Everyday is another opportunity for you to do little things that just help anybody to improve your character. Your character is your name, your personality, and the way you carry yourself in public and private. Have you ever been in a situation where you went along with something only because your friends did? There’s steps to improving yourself and the main step is mental health. Your mental has to be great in order for you to be able to treat others accordingly. It’s also ok for you to do small tokens of appreciation just to start somewhere. Getting involved in the community to understand others around you and trying to see eye to eye with them. What makes this transition so hard is the society we live in today because everybody is worried about being judged. Instead of just ignoring the judgmental opinions and doing whatever they want , some people end up getting discouraged or feel like a “loser”. Everybody isn’t religious but my personal way to improve would be making my relationship with God deeper. Some have to understand you have to be patient and you’re gonna have those days when it feels like you’re not doing right. Never discourage yourself because it will resort you back to square one which makes it tougher. Would you like to be that person to help others improve so it can better our community?
https://rkelly14.uneportfolio.org/speech-page/
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ot_ebG0OFaYZKeCJizg-czznWK7VzBPwv29WXfPdMew/edit?usp=sharing
https://wchandler.uneportfolio.org/blog-proj/
https://itrombley.uneportfolio.org/lone-wolf-speech/
https://trichards4.uneportfolio.org/speech/
https://bmulcahy1.uneportfolio.org/speech/
When it came to my dry run of my first draft of my speech, I felt as though it went pretty well. One thing that I did that I do not think I should have done was not write an entire rough draft. What I should have done differently was make an outline of what I was planning to say so that when I got feedback it would be easier to add those changes I would want to make. Now I am planning on rewriting my speech so that it flows nicely when I put in the feedback I received. After hearing what the people in my groups had to say, I feel like I am in a very good position right now. They liked the way I compared my current self to my past self because they felt like it was very relatable. Everyone was at the point where they really liked school and doing their work, but a lot of people got to the point where they do not really care about it anymore. They said that they have been in situations like this, and they know of people who have also gone through it too. One thing that I do plan on doing with my speech is elaborating more on what I plan to do to become a better student because I talked a lot about what got me to the point that I am at now.
adarcangelo.uneportfolio.org/lone-wolf/
https://jdecrisantis.uneportfolio.org/lone-wolf-speech/
My Best Advice:
The best peer review that I offered to one of my peers was simply to condense their speech to fit into the 3 to 5 minute time limit. Their speech was very good, there were just a little too many extra details. I thought it would be in their best interest to keep the key information he wanted to address and the best parts of the speech. The rest wasn’t bad work, however, it isn’t necessarily needed.
Why It’s My best Advice:
I think this was good advice because condensing a longer speech into a shorter one would keep the audience engaged for the most part. If a speech starts going on and on for too long, the majority of the audience is most likely going to lose focus. I believe that an audience is more likely to recall or remember shorter speeches compared to longer speeches.
Best Advice From My Peers:
The best peer review that I received was to cut a little bit of information out of my speech. In just my first draft outline, I had close to 3 pages of notes and points I wanted to get across. While trying to get through all of that information, my peers felt that I was just talking at them instead of to them. This is a quick way of losing an audience’s attention, so I should try to stay away from it.
Why It’s Their Best Advice:
This was the best piece of advice I received because the last thing I wanted was to have the audience get bored. When typing up my first draft outline, I was worried that I wasn’t going to have enough to talk about to get through the 3 to 5 minute time span. It’s good to know that I have more than enough and what I should focus on is getting rid of some of my information.
After the dry dry run that we did I am feeling really good about where I am going with this speech. The feedback I got from my peers was super helpful in helping me understand where I want to go. They let me know what was too much and what wasn’t enough and how I can progress on these pieces to make my speech really easy to understand and get through to the class. The idea of me trying to improve myself while still going forward in my educational career was really highlighted by everyone. But there is a lot going on in my speech so I need to find ways to expand upon the things that I want to do to go farther in order to show what I will be doing to pursue a better academic career for myself. I now know exactly what to do to make sure that I get the things across to the audience that are necessary.
Ryan Kelly
Prof. Jessie Miller
Communications 110
25 September 2023
Journal 7
I think the first dry run of my speech went very well, I received a lot of constructive criticism throughout the class period that is already making my speech even better. The first piece of advice I received was to try and pause less in between sentences and paragraphs to make it more fluid and coherent. Since it was just the dry run I hadn’t practiced it much and since then I have been practicing it more trying to lessen the amount of pauses in between my paragraphs. Another piece of advice I was given was to memorize the speech more because I was basically reading right off the computer screen in the first class, so I have been trying to work on my memorization skills so I can keep my eyes on the audience and not on my computer. The last piece of advice that I got was to fix my wording a little bit to sound more professional and to make it easier for the audience to understand what I am trying to convey. Overall, I feel like my speech is really taking shape and coming together.
Sawyer Ohman
CMM110-A
9/25/23
Journal #7 Peer Review
MY BEST ADVICE: The best advice I gave was to Kit, their speech was about bettering their personal self. I enjoyed her speech but they needed to work more on the delivery of their speech. Of course it was one of the first times they had read the speech especially to an audience, but it didn’t flow. The speech was very well written but Kit found it was difficult to read the page out loud word for word to the group. We later decided as a group through discussion to make different prompts which would have further bullet notes for us to talk from. This will make our speeches sound much better to our audience.
WHY IT’S MY BEST ADVICE: This was the best advice that I had given during peer review because we could all individually apply this to our own papers and future speeches. As I had mentioned before, making a bulleted list rather than attempting to read something word for word will make the speech much easier to process for the reader. If the reader has an easier job giving the speech the audience has an easier job taking away key elements of the speech. All my group members agreed that a bulleted list is much more effective to prevent the reader from staring at the screen while presenting.
BEST ADVICE FROM MY PEERS: My group members suggested to me that I use personal stories to better connect to my audience. To better say it, my speech was well organized and made some good points, but it didn’t make a lasting impression on the audience. This is because I didn’t include any stories or personal experiences for my audience members to relate to. If the audience can relate to the speaker they are far more likely to take in the information being presented.
WHY IT’S THEIR BEST ADVICE: This was the best advice that I received because connecting with the audience is the core of a speech . I had to be reminded that it wasn’t just a paper that would be read by my professor, it would have to be something that my peers could relate to. Of course there are the cliches of being broke college students but what story or time of my life could I bring into my speech in order to make a better connection with my classmates.
My dry-dry run was the first time I read my whole speech out loud and it helped a lot with how I should compose sentences for a speech. I found myself omitting and changing some words as I read, which did trip me up a bit as I started to realize what I wrote didn’t make sense. This “narrative” approach I am taking seems to be working, as my peers said they liked that aspect of my speech. Someone did comment that there should be more information than narrative, which I agree with. I think if I focused more on the actual topic, and how to become a better version of my academic self, I could have a more comprehensive speech. I think definitely for next time I should read my second draft out loud and to my roommate to see what’s working and what’s not with more brutally honest and personal feedback, which I think would be beneficial to my speech.
https://dwhite30.uneportfolio.org/speech/
My Best Advice and Why: The best advice I gave was to Bennett. The main takeaway I had from listening to his speech is that he would benefit from having some more examples of what he was talking about written down and remembered. I could tell he had a great understanding of what he was trying to say but seemed to not have concrete ideas or examples to pull from. This advice was the best I had given because I had some trouble with figuring out what was initially off about his speech. It was only through some more thought and reflection onto the other speeches I heard from my group mates that I figured out my thoughts on what advice to give. I also believe that it was my best piece of advice I gave because it also made me rethink how to write/present my own speech.
The Best Piece of Advice Given and Why: The best piece of advice that I was given by my group mates was to improve the structure of my speech. While I did see the importance of a strong outline even before starting this draft, while I was writing I didn’t quite notice how off topic I had gotten. After reading it outloud I did notice the flow wasn’t quite there as it would be if I was just speaking off the top of my head. It is the best piece of advice I received because it wasn’t something that I had thought about but once I heard it, I knew it was what I was missing. I think having this in my mind will help me incredibly through the rest of this process and will make my thoughts connect more clearly.
https://cmurphy25.uneportfolio.org/speech/
https://cmurphy25.uneportfolio.org/speech/
For the dry dry run of my speech, I asked my room mates to listen to me talk. I already knew I had pacing issues, and that the speech was a bit long in general, but with more practice I can at least help myself with eye contact. My roommates said that it felt rushed since I knew it had to be in a certain time frame and that it was quite a bit over four minutes long. They also said how I needed to make more eye contact, but I’m certain that by the time the final speech presentation comes around I’ll be better with that- and the speech will be shorter. They said that they did like the message my speech gave off, but that it centered more around myself than relating with the audience. They also said that I was very vulnerable which is always appreciated when giving a speech- I felt as I was writing that I shouldn’t be placed on a pedestal so I could relate to the audience more. I didn’t have much charisma in terms of body language, but when I memorize the speech, I think that’ll work out better.